Interrogated by God?
A few years back I was so excited to prove how much faith I had "collected" during the five years I had been an official Christian. Without going into to much detail I will just say that I thought I was on my way to an A+ in the areas of faith, obedience, and loving God. I had quit my career and told God I was to going to do any and everything He told me to do. It was a big surprise that instead of "orders" it seemed that all I got was questions.
God: Do You Know. Where you're going to?
Me: Oh that's easy...I am going wherever you tell me to go.
God: Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Me: Well not really.
God: Where are you going to?
Me: Well you didn't tell me so....
God: Do you know?
Me: Well I guess not... Hey, what's up with the interrogation?
The funny thing about that conversation is that it took me seven years to admit that I had no clue what I was doing, what I wanted to do, what was required, what I was in for, etcetera, etcetera.
It was not until I was introduced to the practice of Spiritual Direction that I was able to answer God (HONESTLY) without believing I was a victim of interrogation because I had done something wrong. Or worse that He was setting me up.
Years later still use this song as a caveat for one of my spiritual exercises. During my journaling time I find myself scribbling or singing:
You knew how I loved you, but my-spirit was free Laughing at the questions That you once asked of me
Now looking back at all we've had I let so many dreams just slip through my hands Why must I wait so long, before we see? How sad the answers to those questions can be
If you want to grow in your faith journey and spiritual life, its time to start answering some questions. You might even consider getting some help in the form of a spiritual director.
I know that it also helped to know that I was in great company:
Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" (John 14:5 NIV)
Jesus is the Master of questions. He expertly digs down into reality to produce both self- and God-awareness in others. His questions reveal the heart of God, reveal/revive our hearts, and help guide us during the process of our spiritual formation. For example:
“Why do you call me good?” (Luke 18.19).
“What do you want me to do for you?…Can you drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?” (Mark 10.35-38)
“What do you want me to do for you?” (Luke 18.35-41)
“What do you want?” (John 1.35-37)
“Will you give me a drink?” (John 4.7)
“Do you want to get well?” (John 5.6)
If we are going to be on mission with Him, we have to be ready for His questions. By ready I mean, stop what we are doing (give Him our full attention) and be willing to dig deep and answer as a participant instead of a spectator who reads The Bible from the perspective of stories and events that took place thousands of years ago.
The scriptures are our story. Therefore, we must answer the questions! And Jesus asked a lot of them (307 to be exact)! Most of us have already been instructed to read the Gospels and ask the Holy Spirit lots of questions, but if you really want to the nitty-gritty ANSWER the questions that Jesus asks! Don't base your answers on what Matthew, Luke, John, Thomas, the woman at the well, the crowds, etcetera say. You answer the question, in your own words. This will help make Scripture personal and relevant to YOUR life.
And if you find yourself "stuck" don't be afraid to ask for help. Trust me, it doesn't mean you are dumb, you lack faith, you can't hear God or any of the other negative things the enemy may have expressed to you. Inner barriers and external circumstances may be getting in way of your growth. A spiritual director can help identify the reasons for your “spiritual stuckness,” and offer solutions and tools to get you into a place of moving forward in your spiritual journey.